I just can't. I can't. I'm too tired, I'm too angry, I'm too everything.
My art remains the same as before, my ideas don't change, I've acomplished NOTHING during this year which is about to end. How the fuck do I even expect to study animation?? My mother doesn't want me to, I doubt of my skills, and everything is looking so dark right now.
I've been hurt again and again during the year; I haven't recovered from my depression ever since January or February; I keep getting replaced by someone better; I'm losing my friends; I'm losing my motivation; I don't even know what the hell I'm going to do with my life. I might end up studying something I don't want to for years and once I'm finished realize that I've wasted so much fucking time of my life.
I see how the people I admire continue to grow as artist and I stay stuck here. I'm tired.
Maybe I'm not fit for this after all? But I don't want to do anything else.
"Why are you drawing manga again? You'll never acomplish anything" I don't even draw manga you dumb fuck.
"Again with those doodles? Do something productive for once!" This is what I want to do with my life, do you understand the concept of getting better??
"Of course you're my best friend" Right, and that's why you left me for someone else as soon as we changed classrooms. You don't ever speak to me even though we're sitting right next to eachother this year.
"I love speaking with you" Yet we haven't spoken more than 10 times in this whole year, most were 5 minute chats.
I'M SICK. I CAN'T DO THIS. IS THAT SO HARD TO UNDERSTAND??? WHO CARES ANYWAYS, ALL I'M DOING IS WASTING MY SHORT LIFE TIME. WHY THE FUCK IS IT SO IMPORTANT TO YOU ALL OF SUDDEN? YOU NEVER CARED FOR WHAT I WANTED BEFORE.
AND IT'S NOT LIKE ANYONE REALLY CARES FOR MY ART. ALL I CAN DO IS SHITTY BUSTS IN SHITTY ANGLES. I MISS MY CHARACTERS, I MISS DRAWING FOR FUN. NOW I JUST DO IT TO FEEL BETTER, AND THAT IS MAKING ME SICK.
I might be in a hiatus for a bit, to calm things down. Sorry. Not like it'll make a difference anyways. Happy holidays.