Friends? + Tagged

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Alison-lynn's avatar
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I've been thinking about a couple things for a while now.


When exactly do you know that your friends are drifting away from you?


And I don't meant that they start talking to new people and you get all jealous and shiz. No. I'm talking more about that intuition you get, when you just know that you aren't as close as before; that you have less and less things to talk about; and finally, that if you don't try and fix it, your bond may break and you will pass to be strangers again.

But that also leads me to my next question: How can you be sure that this is what is happening, and it isn't an over reaction?

I guess this is natural. Friends that may become really close to you and, after a time, you feel more of a stranger to them than even before you befriended them in the first place.
You change your interests, your view of the world, your very own context, etc, and you may not be compatible anymore. 

It just really pains me that this is a thing that happens. 

I have some examples, though the one I'm willing to share is one of a friend I made in middle school. We were in the same class, and we'd known each other for a year by that point. All three years of middle school we were the best of friends. We shared everything, we knew one another so well that it was surreal even. We had almost the same interests and we could talk for hours to no end.
And when we entered high school, after a year or so, something changed. I have no idea of what that was, but she began reaching less and less for me. I tried to keep going what we had before, but she wouldn't put anything of her part to help. She'd answer when I called, but didn't even once try to contact me herself. 

Now we are in the same classroom again. We've been for half a year. And to this day, we haven't said a single word to each other. 

And it's not because we're angry. I guess the connection was lost at some point during the way.

That is just one example of what has happened in my life (there are many other stories like this), but I would just really like to know why you think this happens.

Why do we lose that connection with people? And I don't mean only common interests, but rather, that link that makes you think that your minds are syncronized. That connection that makes you see that person as an important part of yourself.

And more importantly: Why is that loss one-sided at times? Why, at times, it's only one person who loses it, deataches from it, and leaves the other hanging and in a lot of pain -since they just can't break that bond as the other apparently did?

I guess those are my questions. I doubt I'll find an answer, but I had to let them out of my system. 

-----------

NOOOOOW
Out of the gloomy-everlasting-mood and on to the tag.

So :iconthegalaxyrose: tagged me on the music meme, though since I don't have a premium membership I don't think I can post the videos so you can listen to the songs here; so I'll just post the links instead ;v;


Rules
1) Write down every letter in your name.
2) Write down a song that pops into your head beginning with each letter.
3) Count the number of letters and TAG that many people.

AndreaZ


Songs:

1) A: Again by My Darkest Days Link

2) N: Neonland by Detektivbyrån Link

3) D: Dirty Harry by Gorillaz Link

4) R: Rhapsody in Blue by Gershwin Link

5) E: E for Extinction by Thousand Foot Krutch Link

6) A:  Ai Catch by Goatbed Link

7) Z: I couldn't find a song starting with Z ;^;



AND NOW I TAG:

:iconocteapi:
:iconcamimiz:
:iconcosace:
:iconchiiasa:
:iconmadamedobato:
:iconserenadefox:
And whomever else wants to do it ;v;



Have a nice day!
© 2015 - 2024 Alison-lynn
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CuddlesAndHuggles's avatar
I know the feeling well, I've experienced it both ways, and I think a lot of the time I've been the one to drift off in many situations. Though for me personally, if I drift it's not for any negative reason, I haven't lost interest in the person, I haven't grown annoyed with them or anything, most often the reason is I don't have anything to say/discuss so I don't feel a need to say anything, and if that person also doesn't say anything to me I feel even less reason to say anything; I guess all those things add up to some lost connection, but I have no idea how the connection is lost.

If I had to answer your question my best guess is just time and circumstance is what breaks the bonds. Someone changes in some small way and/or people just happen to start talking less whether that's due to busier schedule or not having things to talk about or having other responsibilities or gaining more friends/distractions in their life.

I dunno why it happens, it's a bit of an enigma to myself as well. *~* Like when it happens on my side I don't want people to think I dislike them or anything since that isn't the case, and I don't want them to feel hurt because we lost our bond but it happens without any conscious decision or act on my part, so I feel bad about it when people try to poke prod and cling at me for what we once had. 

It's such a strange situation because there's no malicious intent involved. So it feels weird, really weird, when there's a sudden distance, and it's not a result of anger or hatred towards the other and that's what makes it so bizarre and heartbreaking. Whatever was there just isn't anymore. It's not because they hate you, it's not because they're angry with you, they simply lost the connection.

I dunno why it happens but sometimes some switch just goes off and you don't see that person the same way anymore. Though my best advice would be to move on I guess >3< which can be hard depending on how close you once were and it can be heartbreaking. I almost forgot it was so heartbreaking |D it's happened enough times to me that I think I have a default mood where I've already braced myself for what it'd feel like if a current friend dropped me, so it doesn't affect me as much anymore. It's still sad but, it's happened so often that I'm used to it and I just move on since reflecting on it just makes it all worse. But I still hold memories with that person in fondness. I guess it's just something you have to discover yourself, like I didn't teach myself to not be heartbroken when reflecting on fond memories, I just remember the memories as they were, and shrug off the sadness of the "break up" because good times were had that I'll always hold dear and close to my heart.

I hope this helps in some way. OTL Forgive my rambling, and feel free to poke me on Skype if you wanna discuss this more at all. TvT